CSI: Church Seeks Imagination

Among my pet peeves are:

1. Slow drivers in the left lane. If you want to drive slowly, fine, but there is a special place for you: the right lane. (See Pet Peeve No. 2.)

2. Drivers driving at the same speeds in the right and left lanes, thereby preventing accelerated traffic. For goodness' sake, Person in the Left Lane (the fast lane), just drive 3 mph faster for 30 seconds and scoot over to the right lane so that the person on your tail can then scoot past your slow, self-absorbed, perhaps paranoid, self.

3. People who sashay two steps in front of the person behind them, and then look over their shoulder and see that they are only two steps in front of the person behind them, and then come upon a door and open that door and then allow it to close right in the face of the person behind them. "Oops, too bad for you that I'm a dumb loafer," the door-closer would think -- if he were capable of thinking.

4. People who talk while I'm trying to watch a new (emphasis on "new") episode on TV. If I'm watching a new episode, it would be because I want to watch the new episode, and if it's on TV, I can't simply rewind and rewatch. No, I don't have TiVo, but if the said episode is on DVD or has been recorded, the interrupter is allowed some leeway. Exceptions to the rule are emergencies and/or crises.

5. Overuse of exclamation points. An exception is made for the individual who knows better but uses the marks for literary or sarcastic effect. A person who merely thinks that exclamation points are cool appears ... very junior high!!!!!

6. Food fights, eating contests (aka Glorified Gluttony), Loud Eaters.

Finally, we come to this one, which is the worst offense:

We have church-related activities, groups and sermons that proudly don monikers like this: "Snakes in the Plane and in the Church." The creators think they are being very in-tune with pop culture and will attract the hip crowd. My church, which I love dearly and continues to be a blessing, does this all the time. So I realize there are good intentions behind a sermon series called "DreamWorks" or behind Vacation Bible Schools using the Survivor logo.

To get into the culture -- influence the culture -- Christians should be ahead of the trends and be innovative -- be a people whose talents the culture can appreciate, instead of appearing to be unthinking Xeroxes that bask in the shadows of Hollywood/Apple/TV.

Think ahead, and please, please, please quit being iRip-Offs and American Idles.