What's "easy"?

Kyle and I were dating for maybe two weeks when I met his family. And by "family," I mean family. Family, as in: immediate family + extended family + friends who are like family. It was Thanksgiving. I'm not an outgoing person, and all of the aforementioned people are outgoing. Needless to say, I stayed in my comfortable shell and observed, and then doubted my personality.

Excuse me, God, can I trade this in for something more ... ESTP?

Anyway, when I went to my room one night, my self-esteem boost was Psalm 139. Reading about my fearfully made self reminded me that listeners and introverts are necessary to maintain some kind of order in this world. I felt content, peaceful and, well, loved.

The problem with maintaining this sense of contentment is that it requires me to sloooow down. Take a breather. Spend some time with my brain; figure out what's going on in there. This is when I feel closer to God, like he's giving me a hug. Some people feel refreshed staring at, like, mountains. Not the case for me. I learn more about my creator when I decide to face this me that he created.

Like I said, the problem with this routine is the slowing-down part. Taking a breather. Not cleaning or checking my e-mail compulsively or clipping bridal hairstyles out of Martha Stewart Weddings.

And, despite the fact that running 3 or 4 miles no longer makes me want to cut off my big toes, running is difficult because it forces me to slow down. Slowing down in the sense that I have to clear my mind, stare at nothing but a road or 5-year-olds playing soccer, and put up with myself. I get impatient.

Regardless, I ran this evening.

Just let me enjoy running, pleeeaaasse.

Finally, I just ran. And thought. I enjoyed being, and it was good.